Log in

No account? Create an account
My Heart in My Hands [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | website ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

forgotten [08 Sep 2009|06:22pm]
[ mood | tired ]

hello livejournal,

its been a while.
we used to be good friends.
what happened?

love always,

2 comments|post comment

Bartending [08 Sep 2009|06:06pm]

post comment

*boom* self distruct *boom* falling apart [08 Jul 2008|07:39pm]
[ mood | hot ]

so much is going on.
it seems like life is going so fast, yet standing still.

I got in. I really didn’t think I would.
I prepared myself so much for not getting in that i’m too chicken to actually go.
so pathetic. 
You should make this journey alone. 
I’m going to miss you so much when you leave.
please don’t forget me
your one of the best things in my world

Iv never known anyone like you
You make me smile without even trying 
You are the best and i dont think you know it

In that store i wished i had you
i had to walk away feeling tears creeping in
So many things would be perfect 
you would be perfect
i keep wondering if i had you would life be any better
I heard you crying that night. I got up and stumbled out of bed and held you.
I snuggled you close and kissed your nose. Then i opened my eyes and you were gone again.
For a split second i panicked, wondering where you had gone.
 sanity caught up

You dried my tears when i wanted to cry

and made my life worth living when i wanted to die

I will be here for you whenever you need me

just remember were not to far away

i started up again. 
i really thought i was stronger now
i guess not
it feels so good when i’m doing it 
its not till after that i truly know what iv done 
i feel ashamed 

i’m so tired of being strong
i want to cry 
i want to scream at the top of my lungs

I want someone to hold me
i’m tired of faking it 
my smile has to be the best lie that I've got.


Broken angels whisper in my ear everyday

That you all deserve so much better than me

post comment

yo ho yo ho...a pirates life for me [19 Sep 2007|03:20pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

Hmm im gonna jump on this band wagon cuz im kinda bored...

1. Worry about me if you notice I'm sad?:
2. Go out with me?:
3. Give me your number?:
4. Let me kiss you?:
5. Watch a movie with me... even a really sappy one?:
6. Let me take you out to dinner?:
7. Drive me somewhere/anywhere?:
8. Take a shower with me?:
9. Let me draw something for you?:
10. Draw something for me?:
11. Be my gf/bf?:
12. Have a fling with me?:
13. Visit me if you come to my city?:
14. Listen to me if I called you crying even if you were out with all of your other friends?:
15. Buy me a drink if I didn't have money?:
16. Take me home for the night?:
17. Let me sleep in your bed?:
18. Sing car karaoke with me?:
19. Sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?:
20. Re-post this for me to answer your questions?:
21. Let me give you a piggyback ride?:
22. Come pick me up at 3 am because my car ran out of gas in the middle of nowhere?:
23. Give me your mail address to be penpals?:
24. Be scared to talk to me?:

1 comment|post comment

[30 Aug 2007|12:19am]
[ mood | anxious ]

School starts tomorrow...well today i guess since its past midnight...


post comment

Can I take you down with me? [22 Aug 2007|04:11am]
[ mood | scared ]

What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right?


                                                                            Am I really strong enough?

3 comments|post comment

[15 Aug 2007|12:48pm]
i am so angry...angry at myself.
I am happy...Why do I do this?
One day I think I have beaten you...
The next day it will take all of my energy just to keep going...
I hate you.
I fucking hate you!

I had a lot of fun yesterday
Went to Rio
Co and Kt came too
Went to Co's and Tay came over
Tried to go bowling but failed lol so we went to the pool hall in Warren to go put putting
EXTREME PUT PUT ;)  Colleen beat us by like a lot!
Traded cars with my dad so people wouldnt be so squased in my car
My dads marauder got beat by a station wagon  =0
But it was a really supped up station wagon so it was kind of ok
Then we went to Rams Horn haha
"So you want Jack on your balls" oh goodness
Wrote stuff on the back of the jelly containers
Went to the currans so dj and tay could get there cars
Everyone came to my house and we had a fire in my very effed up bonfire but it was fun.
People started leaving around 12
i think then mike and dj left around 1.
Co and I stayed up...well i tried to stay up =/
It was funny usually its me that stays up lol but i was so out of it.
We watched a bunch of stuff like that mind freak guy he was kinda lame lol
We watched The Devil Wears Prada such a gooood movie ...well i kinda dozed off for some of it
but it was still great!
The rest of the night is kinda a blur...its not good to take 2 tylonol pms with caffeine no matter how bad a headache you have.
Its nottt cool lol
All i know is that it was fun.
Having a sleep over with your best friend makes everything better.

4 comments|post comment

i dare you to reach this point. Could you? I wouldnt want you to. [24 Jul 2007|02:51am]
[ mood | awake ]


8 hsa

168 HiaW


m3 szero

m4 sLthreeA


12/56 w

624/2912 iAY


post comment

[20 Jul 2007|11:02pm]
[ mood | teary eyed ]

i just want to make everyone happy.


                             I just cant


                                                seem to even

                                                                                                                          get close...
6 comments|post comment

a protest in lines to thin to read [19 Jul 2007|04:28am]

<this lack of self-control is never ending>
Time is gonna take my mind
and carry it far away where I can fly
The depth of life will dim the temptation to live
If I were to be alone silence would rock my tears

<these wounds will not heal>
 I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

<the walls are closing in>
My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes

<fear is how I fall>
So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong

<I'v felt this way before>
<<so insecure>>

post comment

[25 Jun 2007|05:46am]
[ mood | exhausted ]

please just go to sleep
1 comment|post comment

[18 May 2007|04:51pm]


YAY! <3
2 comments|post comment

derailed [13 May 2007|03:00pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

So are we lost or do we know
Which direction we should go
Sit around and wait for someone to take our hands and lead the way

I was staring out the window

while in the back seat of the commander today

everything was flashing by so fast

in the hour it took to get home i thought about a lot of things while listening to a song

my friends; mostly, my family; somewhat, other stuff; a little

growing up;
a lot

I have realized it is one of my greatest fears

i know

i have realized i want to do so much

i just need to go on

I am going to live life to its fullest

I'm putting my life back on track

Cause every day we're getting older
 And every day we all get colder
 We're sick of waiting for our answers

4 comments|post comment

I think its War v.s Death...but death has cannons... [15 Apr 2007|01:46am]
[ mood | tired and burned ]

This week has been one of the best weeks ever!
I <3 my friends!


                            For details check out Colleens last post haha.
Most of the stuff I would recap was
with her anyway and I am to
lazy to post it again.

Plus Tues. the 24th is my last day for this semester! Woo hoo!

5 comments|post comment

[23 Mar 2007|11:36pm]
[ mood | I dont know ]

Have you ever tried to hide?
Hide yourself from the world
but day after day the mask that covers your face starts to slip off
its weight getting harder to bare
day after day night after night
today, being home alone, was so hard
I went in the bathroom
slid down the wall and just sat and cried
I havn't cried in a long time
I just couldnt stop
I feel like I am going to explode
Inside I feel dead and empty
I dont feel anything but yet at the same time I feel it all just the same
Nothing left
barely holding on
I'm tired of being trapt within myself
My head is spinning
Why me?
Am I being punished?
What did I do wrong?
God, Are you mad at me?
 I sat in the dark thinking, hurting, crying
Would my life be better if I were ****
So many questions run through my mind
I feel so alone sometimes even when there are people around
The connections with most of my friends are invisible now
How can I get out? It feels endless.
I'm alone in feeling and I'm alone in not feeling. I'm just alone.

2 comments|post comment

I gonna miss them [14 Feb 2007|04:32pm]
[ mood | old haha ]

Only 12 more hours untill they leave

Just a little heads up...
Dont blow off fireworks in the park.
Dont have sex in the stairwells.
Dont go into a girls room (if your a boy) and think your going to get away with it because your "fixing" their toilet.
Dont climb the huge legos.
Dont believe people when they tell you the Italian pop in the igloo has alcohol in it.
Dont try to put all of your furniture on your balcony and have a party.
Dont "drop" pizza from your balcony at people below.
Dont show your boobs to boys in the room next to you for 5 bucks.
You will see parents in less clothes then you would like (pool).
Mrs. White and the other parents will kick you out of the hot tub because you are exceeding the limit...and then pile in themselves.
Dont harass the people in the different countries...you will get hit with things.
Dont try to give the pirites from the pirates of the carabean a lap dance...you will get kicked out.
When on the ride in the huge golf ball DO NOT try to jump to the the cart behind you with more of your friends in it...it hurts.
and LASTLY...make sure your friends with super cool parents...youll be surprised what they will let you do ;)

^ this is totally me telling you those things are a lot of fun to do...just dont get caught hehe

6 comments|post comment

[11 Feb 2007|10:35pm]
[ mood | happy ]

3 comments|post comment

Imagination, a lie of reality [03 Feb 2007|05:19pm]
[ mood | bored ]

The USED...I could listen to them forever.

2 comments|post comment

Dont read this its just me yelling at sam...indirectly. [29 Jan 2007|02:01am]
[ mood | now im all worked up...great. ]

2 comments|post comment

I miss my daddy [26 Jan 2007|01:30am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

I think im going to...
I cant even believe I am thinking about it
Maybe it will make this go away
A last ditch attempt 
to stop self distruction
5 comments|post comment

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]